The
As an ordinary member of society I admit my share of its collective
guilt that it is producing adolescents who need to celebrate the ushering in of
the New Year through open bar parties.
We must all re-think what sort of world we are constraining our adolescents to live in.
Put yourself in the parents’ position. Peer pressure on our youngsters means that to enjoy themselves at the weekend, they have to leave home on Saturday evening at about 11. Normally parents drive them to their destination, either because public transport is not so convenient or simply to put their minds at rest about the company their children are mixing with.
Halfway through their sleep, somewhere around three in the morning, the parents have to put their coats over their pyjamas and, half asleep, drive to Paceville or wherever, to bring their kids home. The alternative of pooling for a taxi or getting lifts from older friends is generally unappealing to parents, who preach to their adolescents that they have to avoid accepting lifts from strangers, especially if such strangers have spent the evening bar-hopping in Paceville.
As soon as youngsters turn 18, the pressure starts building up to acquire their own means of transport. In young adult circles, being over 18 without a car seems to have become a synonym for not being with it. Financial considerations apart, the parents’ resistance to such pressure starts weakening with the prospect of saving the hassle of driving in nightwear every weekend.
Soon the youngster gets his new or second-hand car and with it the burden of paying its running bills and probably the loan installments. Financial pressure starts building up on top of the existing career pressure. If they are studying, pressure builds from the realisation that getting through their first degree, even with considerable honours, will not give them any special credentials for the world beyond the university.
It will be a struggle to find a job in the first place and a harder struggle to find a job related to one’s own studies, which pays a decent salary justly rewarding the efforts to get through university. Most start feeling the pressure of the need to continue studying beyond their first degree, with all the financial and social pressures that this would involve.
So in the end, the typical 18-year-old that society is producing today is one who expects parents to do his or her room, including picking up dirty clothes and linen from the floor; who expect to have their own car as soon as they can get a driving license after reaching 18; who have pressure to keep up with their studies at sixth form or university and at the same time have to do some part-time job to finance their car, their entertainment and their life-style in general; who are worried that, in spite of their effort in getting successfully through the first degree, it will not be enough to get the job they desire and they will probably have to continue studying till their mid-20s for a post-grad; and who are seeing property prices spiralling out of their reach making the dream of acquiring their own space rather unrealistic. Add to this the love problems of boyfriends and girlfriends, and you have an explosive situation.
Placing open bar parties at their easy access is indeed a recipe for disaster. Having paid a few tenners to get to the party in the first place means that the youngster wants to make the most of his or her money by consuming as many drinks as their body can take, and possibly more. Doing this on an empty stomach, and generally with a concentration of alcohol consumption in the run-up to or just aftermidnight , makes it all too easy
for our youngsters to lose control over themselves.
Compare this to our own adolescence, when our parents expected us to truly pull our weight and make our own way through life without undue pampering. I was expected to take care of my room and hang up my clothes. Soon after my “A” levels I got my first job, as going through university without money was not a real option. So every evening after work I had to stay in, studying for my Banking Diploma and to pay for all my studies and for the old Mini Minor I got at the age of 19.
A late night out meant that I had to be back by 10.30 at the latest.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not arguing in favour of putting the clock back, even if this were possible, which of course it is not. But I am arguing for fewer open bars and more open minds in training parents how to live with adolescents whose expectations go beyond what many of us can handle. Handling adolescence needs parental skills for which many of us are unprepared. Parents need help.
We must all re-think what sort of world we are constraining our adolescents to live in.
Put yourself in the parents’ position. Peer pressure on our youngsters means that to enjoy themselves at the weekend, they have to leave home on Saturday evening at about 11. Normally parents drive them to their destination, either because public transport is not so convenient or simply to put their minds at rest about the company their children are mixing with.
Halfway through their sleep, somewhere around three in the morning, the parents have to put their coats over their pyjamas and, half asleep, drive to Paceville or wherever, to bring their kids home. The alternative of pooling for a taxi or getting lifts from older friends is generally unappealing to parents, who preach to their adolescents that they have to avoid accepting lifts from strangers, especially if such strangers have spent the evening bar-hopping in Paceville.
As soon as youngsters turn 18, the pressure starts building up to acquire their own means of transport. In young adult circles, being over 18 without a car seems to have become a synonym for not being with it. Financial considerations apart, the parents’ resistance to such pressure starts weakening with the prospect of saving the hassle of driving in nightwear every weekend.
Soon the youngster gets his new or second-hand car and with it the burden of paying its running bills and probably the loan installments. Financial pressure starts building up on top of the existing career pressure. If they are studying, pressure builds from the realisation that getting through their first degree, even with considerable honours, will not give them any special credentials for the world beyond the university.
It will be a struggle to find a job in the first place and a harder struggle to find a job related to one’s own studies, which pays a decent salary justly rewarding the efforts to get through university. Most start feeling the pressure of the need to continue studying beyond their first degree, with all the financial and social pressures that this would involve.
So in the end, the typical 18-year-old that society is producing today is one who expects parents to do his or her room, including picking up dirty clothes and linen from the floor; who expect to have their own car as soon as they can get a driving license after reaching 18; who have pressure to keep up with their studies at sixth form or university and at the same time have to do some part-time job to finance their car, their entertainment and their life-style in general; who are worried that, in spite of their effort in getting successfully through the first degree, it will not be enough to get the job they desire and they will probably have to continue studying till their mid-20s for a post-grad; and who are seeing property prices spiralling out of their reach making the dream of acquiring their own space rather unrealistic. Add to this the love problems of boyfriends and girlfriends, and you have an explosive situation.
Placing open bar parties at their easy access is indeed a recipe for disaster. Having paid a few tenners to get to the party in the first place means that the youngster wants to make the most of his or her money by consuming as many drinks as their body can take, and possibly more. Doing this on an empty stomach, and generally with a concentration of alcohol consumption in the run-up to or just after
Compare this to our own adolescence, when our parents expected us to truly pull our weight and make our own way through life without undue pampering. I was expected to take care of my room and hang up my clothes. Soon after my “A” levels I got my first job, as going through university without money was not a real option. So every evening after work I had to stay in, studying for my Banking Diploma and to pay for all my studies and for the old Mini Minor I got at the age of 19.
A late night out meant that I had to be back by 10.30 at the latest.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not arguing in favour of putting the clock back, even if this were possible, which of course it is not. But I am arguing for fewer open bars and more open minds in training parents how to live with adolescents whose expectations go beyond what many of us can handle. Handling adolescence needs parental skills for which many of us are unprepared. Parents need help.
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